Canceled egg hunt, mouth-to-mouth feeding and banning diapers

03 Tuesday Apr 2012

Posted by in Finding Balance, Working Mother

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I was going through some of my favorite websites and came across a few interesting parenting related articles. After reading them–I have to admit that I absolutely can not relate to the parents in these articles! Who are they and how did they get this way?

In Colorado a yearly Easter Egg hunt was cancelled this year because the PARENTS were getting out of hand, not the children! http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/26/colorado-egg-hunt_n_1379226.html

Apparently, last year the Easter eggs were laid out in the grass at a park with a rope marking the boundaries of the children-only hunt. However, too many parents jumped the rope to “help” their child get an egg. How much help does a kid need to get a colored egg that is laying in the grass? It’s not even hidden!! Could you possibly let your kid learn to 1) search for a colored egg, 2) run to it, 3) bend over to reach the egg, 4) utilize their hand to grab the egg, and 5) put the egg in a basket all on his/her own?

Then things got even better! Alicia Silverstone (of Clueless fame–fitting, I know) posted a video of herself engaging in premastication and feeding her adorable son, Bear Blu. Yes, that is his name and premastication is a word! http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/health/2012/03/28/alicia-silverstones-mouth-to-mouth-for-son-bear-blu/

I get that her heart is probably in the right place. I can see that if I didn’t have a way of mashing food for my child and there were absolutely no Gerber baby food jars available to me, and my fingers weren’t able to mash up the only food I had–then yes, to avoid the starvation of my child, I too would premasticate food. But, thankfully, I was never put in this position. Some have hypothesized that premastication by humans, evolved from the regurgitation seen in animals between parents and off-spring or during courtship. Alicia–you don’t live in a third world country–I am betting you have access to a fresh products and a blender. Make your own baby food and let your almost 1 year old kid learn to eat from a spoon! Eventually, he may even learn to hold the spoon and bring it to his mouth all on his own! Hopefully by the time he goes to school bullying will be a thing of the past because with a name like Bear Blu and a video on her YouTube site of him being fed via the mouth-to-mouth technique with 1.4 million hits …she has really set him up nicely.

Then there was Mayim Bialik’s whirlwind tour of all the networks in support of her new parenting book on Attachment Parenting. At its core, it seems like a reasonable parenting approach, that may work for some people, (not yours truly–but I am not judging). http://www.attachmentparenting.org/WhatIsAP.php

On their website API doesn’t seem judgemental of other techniques and what they propose seems to come from a good place with the best interest of the child at its core–so that is a nice thing, but  Mayim’s went to the networks with some pretty quirky ideas: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/08/mayim-bialik-beyond-the-sling_n_1327434.html

She doesn’t use diapers (I don’t want to really think about that one too much), described unstructured schooling–whatever her child wants to learn is what they learn that day, and made statements like:

  • “Natural birth is not something you try; it’s something you learn about, prepare for, and succeed by completing it.”

and

  • “I have used acetaminophen (found in Tylenol) maybe six times in six years. I have never given my children ibuprofen (found in Motrin and Advil). I have never administered any medication for teething pain, nor have I ever used antibiotic ointment (found in Neosporin), antihistamines (such as Benedryl), cough syrups, or steroids (as in cortisone creams).”

and

  • ” is it necessary that we insist and enforce that young children use “please” and “thank you” all of the time?

Really? She has two little kids and now she is an expert on parenting and can write a book about it? At least wait until you can prove that they are productive members of society before you start telling me that I caused some kind of damage to my children by having epidurals, eventually switching to formula, utilizing a mix of grandma and daycare for my children’s care while I worked when they were really little, didn’t carry them everywhere in a sling, was practically a Pampers shareholder, begged them to sleep in their own beds at night, put my kids in timeout, gave them whatever medications they needed and continually remind them to say “please” and “thank you”.

What is the end result of these type of parenting styles? Unfortunately the retirement age will probably be 80 by the time all these kids get out of college and start looking for a job–so, looks like I will get to see that end result first hand.

Who has the energy to be such a helicopter parent?  I really can’t relate….

Gaining Perspective

17 Saturday Mar 2012

Posted by in Business Travel, Finding Balance, Motherhood, Time Well Spent, working mom, Working Mother

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I recently attended a major medical conference (CROI: retroconference.org) which according to the website is a scientifically focused meeting of the world’s leading researchers working to understand, prevent, and treat HIV/AIDS and its complications.

It might be all those things, but in the days leading up to my trip all I could think about was how much I had to do at home so that my family would  be all set while I was gone. I have gone to this meeting many times over the years, and usually it is one that I really look forward to attending, but this year I just wasn’t feeling it!  I was flying nearly 8 hours on a Saturday to get there and staying there until Thursday.

Eventually, I arrived in Seattle, got in my cab and checked in to my hotel at 10pm (which meant that at 1am EST, I was up WAY past my bedtime!).  The next morning, I woke up at 5am local time and started to get ready for the day.  The whole time, all I could think about was that it was the weekend and there I was, away from home.

I made my way down to the lobby, so I could head over to the convention center and SURPRISE–it was cold, rainy and windy!  The bellman  told me that it was about a 6 block walk and not worth taking a cab…easy for him to say, he hadn’t spent an hour getting his hair “just right”.  With a sigh, I bundled myself up and took out my umbrella, making my way out of the hotel.  As soon as I hit the sidewalk–my umbrella got caught by the wind and was flipped inside out!  Nice…now I was windblown and making a total spectacle of myself while I struggled with my umbrella.

Then, I felt someone start to help me with the umbrella and saw a man’s hands holding on to it and trying to get it to flip back.  Between us, we quickly got the umbrella back and with a laugh, I said “Oh, forget it” and folded it up.  Then I was able to see who my “helper” was.

In front of me stood a man, dressed in khaki’s, a dress shirt and a very light rain jacket–he had to be freezing!  He had a warm smile though and already had his conference badge around his neck.  I said “thank you for helping me!” and as he laughed, he said “you looked like you needed some help”.  Since we were both heading to the convention center, we started to walk together in that direction.  I asked him where he had flown in from and his answer shocked me.

“Zambia, I just arrived this morning” he said.  Wow, and I was complaining about flying from Boston.  I asked him how long it took him to arrive and he said:  ”I flew to South Africa, then up to London, then over to NYC and finally to Seattle.  After 24 hours I stopped counting how long I had been traveling.”  I was speechless…but not for long!  I said something along the lines of the conference being very important to him if he was willing to fly so far and in a somber voice he said:  ”It is so necessary for me to come to this.  I have so many patients to care for and here, I can learn how to best do that.  I am so excited to be here!”

Well, that really hit me…as we walked and talked about his clinic and what he was interested in seeing at the conference, I could feel my mood changing.  I felt ashamed for having been upset that morning, instead of being grateful for the opportunity that my employer had given me to attend this conference.  Here was someone who was thrilled to be able to attend and who having just arrived, didn’t go to sleep in his hotel room, but headed out to convention center, because he didn’t want to miss a moment of the meeting.  Once we got to our destination, we parted ways, wishing each other safe flights home when the conference ended.

For the rest of the conference, I attended the sessions and work meetings, met up with co-workers, saw old friends and colleagues, checked in with my family, and engaged in a whole lot of texting with my oldest daughter. Throughout the conference, I kept thinking about that man and how our short conversation had completely changed my attitude.

A couple days later, I ran into him again during the sessions.  When I asked him if he was enjoying the conference, he smiled and enthusiastically told me about all the information he was taking back with him.  His happiness truly was contagious!  He has no idea how much he helped me gain some perspective that Sunday morning!  I wish I had thanked him…

Do kid’s sporting events bring out the best or worst in people?

11 Sunday Mar 2012

Posted by in Finding Balance, Motherhood, Time Well Spent

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This weekend, I went to my daughter’s swim championship meet.  Lots of people crammed into the bleacher’s of a regional high school’s pool.  Some people arrived HOURS before it started to stake out seats.  Others figured they would sit wherever and arrived as it was starting.

We all sat there, shoulder to shoulder, thigh to thigh–pretending we weren’t hot, were ok with the proximity of the person next to us, ignoring the feet of the people behind us, while trying to focus on the kids in the pool.

Just before the event started, a man arrived and spotted a row of seats right that was being saved by a woman.  He sarcastically asked her if she had “paid” for those seats.  She tried to explain that she had arrived 2 hours early to hold that row of seats for her family.  There was no way that he was going to be ok with that–he stood over her and began to berate her that she couldn’t hold those seats and that he was going to speak to “someone” about it.  Everyone around him told him to chill out–this is a common practice, you get there early–the seats are yours.  Well, he marched out, then came back and told her that since her family wasn’t there, he was going to sit there and moved all her things.  His family then joined him–so he, his wife and what looked like a slightly younger version of himself  (assuming it was his brother) sat down.  Within 5 minutes, who should arrive but the family of the woman who was holding the seats.  Everyone just waited to see what that man would do…

Coming up the stairs were 3 frail senior citizens–clearly the grandparents of one of the swimmers, being helped up the stairs by the woman’s husband and her older son.   Immediately, that man’s brother and wife got up and gave up their seats—but not him!  Since he refused to get up–the only people who could sit were the 3 elderly people and either her or her husband.

Then things started to change–all of us started to shift around, kids ended up in parents laps and soon there were places for the woman, and her husband to sit. When the man’s family tried to take the open slots, we all politely said “NO” because were trying to accommodate the family they had displaced. His two family members quickly dispersed into the crowd.

Having been brought together by our feelings towards this man, we all began talking to each other.  Even though we were from different towns, during those 6 hours, we started rooting for each other’s kids, shared mobile hot spots, watched each others things, chatted, and just had a great time.  Oddly, that man never moved until his son was done swimming–but he sat there alone and stewing, while the rest of us enjoyed ourselves.

While I could dwell on his behavior and say that sporting events bring out the worst in people, I am going to choose to focus on how fun it was to see my daughter enjoy her meet while building camaraderie with her team mates!  An added bonus were the people around me, who made the time go by faster and who were great company!  My vote is that these events might actually bring out something positive in people…

When did “Please” and “Thank you” become optional?

18 Saturday Feb 2012

Posted by in Business Travel, Motherhood, working mom, Working Mother

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Airports really are one of the best places to observe human behavior.  You really see all kinds of people!  I am convinced that you are seeing people behave the way they really are, because most figure that they will never see any of their fellow travelers again.  You definitely see the good, the bad, and the ugly!

Recently, I got to the airport at 5:30am and decided to order a breakfast sandwich and coffee.  I went to my usual spot, greeted the cashier with a “Good morning” and a “could I please get a…”  , paid and stepped to the side to wait for my order to be prepared.  This put me in prime position to watch everyone else place their orders.

Order #1:  ”Give me a medium regular coffee”

Order #2: “plain bagel cream cheese”

Order #3: “Medium Regular”

Order #4: “I want an egg and cheese sandwich”

Wow–I get that it was early in the day, but not a single “please”?  No one actually made eye contact with the cashier when they placed their order–they all just stared at the menu posted on the wall above or looked at their wallets.   Who can blame the cashiers when they just flung the bags with the orders at them, while yelling a number!  Coincidentally, my bag was given to me nicely by a smiling cashier, who gave me extra napkins and wished me a good trip!

Not that I have a monopoly on perfect manners, I most definitely have room to improve. However, I can imagine that being dealt with that way, all day-every day, would really start to get frustrating.  If you don’t care about manners or the other person’s feelings, then at least consider that these people are handling your food!!  You know, the stuff you are going to put in your mouth?  Maybe you want to consider being nice to them?

Everyone is taught manners as a kid–we all had to learn our “please” and “thank you’s”.  When do you start to forget to use them on a regular basis?   Do I see this because of where I live–is it true that the Northeast is ruder than other parts of the country?  Is it that as parents we don’t give our kids a good example and they start copying us? Do their peers eventually have a greater influence on them and they decide to act like everyone else?  I think that some of it is Selective Manners. We have all seen kids and adults use absolutely perfect manners with “the people who matter”.

  • Consider the child who comes to your door to sell you something–there are usually lots of “please” and “thank you’s” there.  Although, I can think of the one time that I told a child “no thank you, because you didn’t ask nicely” (not in my current neighborhood, of course)!
  • How about when you were trying to impress your spouse’s parents?  Maybe there was a display of nice manners?
  • Or the college kid trying to get their professor to give them more time to complete an assignment? I know, eventually it will spiral into whining, but maybe in the beginning, there were a few “please” sprinkled in!
  • Your own children know to lay on a nice thick layer of manners when they want something from you!
  • How about at work?  We are all usually very careful to have good manners there.  Wouldn’t want to lose out on a great opportunity because people think we are rude!

After watching that little scenario at the airport, I decided to make an effort to be more aware of how I address people.  It may take some time for it to just come naturally in every interaction I have–but let’s see how I progress!  And, I will keep asking the girls: “What’s the magic word?”

Driving Under the Influence of the Cellphone vs Driving Under the Influence of Children

11 Saturday Feb 2012

Posted by in Business Travel, Finding Balance, Motherhood, working mom, Working Mother

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A couple months ago the National Transportation Safety Board recommended that cellphone use, while driving, be banned in all states. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/14/national-texting-while-driving-ban_n_1147909.html

Now, I am not here to say whether this recommendation should be followed by all states–I recognize that it is distracting to be using your phone, while you are trying to get to your next appointment.  You definitely shouldn’t be texting while driving.  However, I do wonder if talking on the cellphone is any more distracting than trying to drive in a car with children as your passengers?

It all starts the minute you bring that infant home from the hospital.  The rules are that the infant carrier be rear-facing, in the middle of the back seats of the car.  Like all new parents, you hang the little mirror off the head rest of the back seat and adjust your rear view mirror so that you can see into that little mirror at all times.  Now, your rear view mirror is utterly useless to you from a driving perspective.   So, your child is positioned almost behind you, facing away from you, which seems ok, until they start to cry.

“Why are they crying?  Hmm, let me look in my rear view mirror–oh no, I must have inadvertently bumped the little mirror when I was hunched over trying to put her in the car seat without waking her!  Now I can’t see!”

Then with your left hand gripping the steering wheel, you start to reach behind you with your right hand, blindly feeling around for the pacifier that the baby seems to have spit out.  Now that the baby sees your hand, they are screaming even more and you are getting more panicked.  Eventually you find the pacifier, try to put it in their mouth but end up boinking their nose a few times, which makes them scream more and eventually get it where it belongs.  Somehow, this has all happened without you having an accident, running over a small animal or running a red light.

It doesn’t get any better as they get older.  Until you have your next child, you are subjected to the non-stop replay of every kiddie song known to mankind, which you are expected to sing along to in order to make your darling toddler happy!  To the stresses of driving, add a sprinking of constant requests: “skip that song”, “play that one again”, “I need to pee”, “I am hungry”, “Why are the trees green?”, “Are we there yet?” , “I need a tissue”.  You still have to maintain a death grip on the steering wheel with your left hand and continually reach back with the right hand.  Feels incredibly safe, I have to say.

Add a second child and any dreams for a peaceful car ride are out the window.  Now you have to still play the kiddie songs for the little one, but the older one will complain about it the whole time and make the little one cry because “she says I am listening to baby music!”.  Then the “she took my crayon!”, “Her foot touched my foot!”, “Make her stop looking at me”, “I bet I can scream louder than you!”, “are we there yet?”, “Do you have any water?” starts.  Eventually you give in a put on the radio for the older one, which then means that your precious preschooler is now singing along to Katy Perry–Mother of the Year award coming your way, for sure!

Somehow you still get everyone where they need to be, without any accidents but with a few more gray hairs.   I have actually found that sometimes the only respite from the madness is when you say “Sssh! Mommy is on the phone! Be quiet!”.

People Watching at the Gate

07 Tuesday Feb 2012

Posted by in Business Travel, Finding Balance, Working Mother

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Last week, I had the pleasure of taking 4 flights within 4 days.  They were pretty uneventful, with minimal delays, fairly nice people seated next to me, just a little turbulence, functional lavatories and enough battery life on my tablet to watch half of the first season of Revenge.  However, there was still a fair bit of time to kill while waiting at the gate.  One thing that always entertains me is watching everyone at the gate and their boarding strategies.

There are the business-types who got the coveted upgrade, who apparently don’t get it very often and want to make sure everyone knows they are now in first class–so they stand right by the gate, even if the flight isn’t boarding for another 30 minutes.  They are also typically speaking into their cellphones loudly enough for everyone to hear their conversation.

Alternately, there are the business-types who seem to fly first class quite frequently–they just sit at the gate, as far away from everyone else as they can get, reading their WSJ, and the airline staff seems to know them by name.  Life seems pretty good for them!

Then you have all the people who have some type of “status” with the airline.  They will typically get to board after first class, all have a carry-on which they would ideally like to place directly over their head, and are very eager to get that plane boarded and off the ground asap.  They all mill around the gate agent area, just behind the first class people–ready to run down that jet way and get in their seats!  They are usually a friendly bunch that like to trade tips on maximizing miles, finding the best airport hotels, and figuring out which commuter flights have the best on time record.

After them, its a free for all at the gate!  You see families hounding the gate agent to try to get their seats changed so they can all sit together, people in middle seats asking to get switched to a window or aisle seat, others trying to convince the gate agent that they should get on the earlier flight for free, the nervous travelers wanting the gate agent to check their boarding pass for the 5th time, and there is the elderly foreign couple looking completely lost because they are probably in the wrong terminal.   The people who are supposed to board after the “status” passengers are using their carry on luggage to block the folks behind them, while pretending they don’t notice the people next them so they can be ready to rush the gate agent the minute they says “Zone 2  may board now”!   The higher the number goes, the more anxious they all get that the overhead bin space will be taken and the greater the pressure to get on board.  The only thing that would make this even better would be a neon sign that has a running tally of available overhead bin slots.  You could just watch the number drop with each passing minute!

All this stress is not a very pleasant way to start a flight.  I promised an update on how airlines board their planes, so you don’t end up dragging your suitcase through security, onto the plane and then not be able to find a space for it.  Well, there is a wonderful website that spells it all out for us!  Check it out and next time you book your trip–pick your seat wisely!

The Seat Guru: http://www.seatguru.com/articles/boarding_procedures.php

Addressing the Packing Dilemma

28 Saturday Jan 2012

Posted by in Business Travel, Motherhood, packing for vacation, Time Well Spent, working mom, Working Mother

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It’s nearly February in New England!  When traveling for work in February, it feels like every family SUV within a 100 mile radius of the airport is squeezed into the Central Parking Garage at the airport.  Which means that the rest of us get to follow the tiny signs to satellite parking, get bused to the airport terminal–which easily adds another 20 minutes to your schedule, and then find ourselves praying that it doesn’t snow during the couple days that we are away for work, because we left the ice scraper in the garage at home.

That said, I was people watching at the airport yesterday and came to the conclusion that some of their packing strategies are all wrong!  These are  the people that try to take too many bags onto the airplanes, insist that their suitcase will fit in the overhead compartment, and end up schlepping 50% of their kid’s toys onto the plane so that Jr isn’t bored during the 2 hour flight.

Please do not try to take a suitcase that is bigger than 24″ on the plane as a carry-on.  You might get through security with it, but once you get on the plane you will end up putting it into the overhead lengthwise instead of wheels first, which means that there isn’t any room for someone else to put their suitcase in that bin.  Same thing with those duffle bags — they are MASSIVE and take up the whole bin!  If you have to bring that much stuff on your trip, here is a tip:  Check your bag!  Its such a deflating feeling to be in the boarding process and see the overhead bin space disappear before you reach your seat due to the large musical instruments, poster tubes for conferences, giant paintings, boxes, shopping bags, and of course coats that still get squeezed into the bin even when the stewardess specifically says “no coats in the bins”.

So, how do you get everything into a 24″ suitcase?  It’s totally doable if you are traveling for less than a week. You just need to really plan out your outfits and accept that you will not be needing those “just in case” outfits and that it is highly unlikely that you will be changing your outfit three times in one day.  For women, shoes are a major space drain in luggage.  Pick two pairs of shoes, commit to building your outfits around them and plan to wear the bulkier pair on the plane.   Now that you have your shoes picked out, you can decide what your outfit for the day will be.

If you are traveling to a resort on vacation:  you will probably need 2 bathing suits that you can alternate wearing, something that you can wear over your bathing suit during the day, shorts/t-shirts/loose dress for sight seeing, and then something simple and light to wear for dinner.  Since its probably warm there, these items aren’t too bulky and don’t take up alot of room.  If you don’t want to buy sunscreen there, you will have to check your luggage.  I have actually shipped a box of sunscreen, kids snacks, diapers, toiletries to resorts — if you call ahead, they can set it aside for you and have it waiting for you when you check in.

It gets trickier when traveling to cooler weather.  Then you need to bring clothing that is comfortable and that you could wear all day. Plus you need a couple of nicer accessories, that can take your outfits from day to evening.  Sneakers that you would wear to the gym are not really an option, there is no way you can take those from day to night, unless “night” isn’t going to be anywhere very fancy.  But know that they scream “tourist”, especially outside of the US.  Otherwise, you can find many comfortable leather walking shoes that look a little nicer, and that can go into evening fairly well–assuming you aren’t planning to dance the night away!  Then you will need to pack one pair of fancy shoes and travel with your walking shoes.  Stick with one color scheme–my personal favorites, black and grey, work well, especially in the winter. Your accessories can add color and can spruce up a simple outfit.   Avoid bringing bulky sweaters and try to stick to clothing that is made of thin, wool/cashmere type of material that is easier to travel with, and that you can layer over a t-shirt.  Bring a coat that will keep you warm, but that can work during the day and at night, if you go out.  In this setting you really have to stick to the one outfit for each day if you want to travel with a carry-on.

We women tend to have alot of toiletries and that becomes our downfall, when it comes to checking luggage.  Every pharmacy has small containers for travel purposes–figure out what you absolutely need to have and transfer those items into the smaller containers.  If you are staying at a nicer hotel–they probably have shampoo/conditioner/body lotion, you may want to verify.  If they have it, don’t pack it. You actually can live without your favorite brand for a few days. They also usually have a blow dryer.  If you like to straighten your hair, consider getting a blowout before you go and scheduling one while you are away–many hotels have a salon in them or can tell you about a good one nearby.  Then you don’t have to bring quite as many “tools of the trade”. Whatever you bring has to be in 3-ounce or smaller containers stored in a clear plastic, quart-size or smaller ziplock bag. You are limited to one ziplock bag per passenger.  I have stood in many a security line that has stopped moving due to people not packing these items correctly.

How are you going to squeeze all this stuff into a small suitcase?  Space Bags make it all possible!   https://www.spacebagbrand.com

They come in all sizes and the travel ones don’t need a vacuum.  You just roll them to get rid of the air.  Using these really saves room in your luggage.  I would advise taking a 2nd empty one to use for dirty clothes.  One word of warning, since you can squeeze more into your suitcase when you use these, the suitcase can get pretty heavy.  I have rarely seen carry ons being weighed on domestic flights, but for international flights, it will get weighed and you may find that you have to check it afterall.

You get to bring two bags onto the plane as carry-on luggage.  Ladies, that means that your purse will take up that slot.  Bring a larger bag or backpack, that can fit under the seat in front of you on the plane and that your purse can fit inside of.  Inside that bag you can hold more of the things that didn’t fit in your suitcase, like a camera, iPad, medication, or snacks for example.  Speaking of purses–if carry-on is the way you want to travel, you really have to let go of the idea that you are going to use a different purse everyday.  Pick one purse that holds what you absolutely need, ideally you could hold it in a way that frees up your hands while you are out an about.

The same principles apply when packing for your children–if you paid for their seats on the plane, that gets you two more carry-ons per seat.  If they are able to drag a little suitcase behind them, use the Space Bags and squeeze their 1-2 outfits per day into it.  We all have a tendency to over pack for our kids–in case they dirty themselves.  Realistically, how often do you change your kid at home?  That should be your guide.  Regarding their entertainment, as the kids get a little older they can carry their own little backpack, while dragging their own suitcase.  Then its time to make them think about what it is that they really need versus bringing everything they like from home.  I pack their individual snacks into their own backpacks too.

Traveling with a baby is a totally different situation and one where I would recommend just checking your luggage, accepting that you will have to spend time waiting for the luggage at your destination, but knowing that at least your hands aren’t tied up by luggage.  In that situation, you should pack enough clothes, diapers, toiletries, snacks etc into a small carry-on to get you through 1-2 days, in case your luggage didn’t make it onto your plane and arrives late.

So, now you have a perfectly packed carry-on suitcase and are ready for your trip!  How you picked your seats when you booked your ticket, will determine when you board the plane.  Based off what I described at the beginning of this entry, if you board too late, there may not be any overhead space available and you may find that you are having to check your luggage after all.  My next entry will focus on how to pick the seats that get you on board the airplane earlier in the process, thus putting the odds of having overhead bin space available in your favor.

Lastly, remember that as long as you are traveling to a major city, you can always buy whatever you forgot to pack!  So, don’t stress over it!

Happy Packing!

The Almost Late Mommy

23 Monday Jan 2012

Posted by in Working Mother

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For my birthday my family got me a charm bracelet with several cute charms on it, all of which had been picked out by the girls.

To them, each charm represents something.  There was a blue glass charm that is supposed to represent one child’s eye color and a green glass charm for the other one’s eye color.  There are two charms in the shapes of birds, because they know I like to have bird feeders and enjoy watching the birds fly around the yard.   Since reading is one of my hobbies, they picked a charm that is in the shape of books.  Of course, they also picked charms that had their initials on them.  It was the last charm that struck me though:

 

Yes, that is a clock!  Hmmm, what was that about?  I decided to probe alittle more around this choice, so I asked my oldest daughter about it.

Me: What made you pick a clock charm?

Daughter: Well, you are always looking at the clock.  You get us up on time, make sure we get on the bus on time, that we are picked up on time, that we get to our sports stuff on time. You know, what I mean!

Me:  I guess I do have to keep track of time alot.

Daughter: And, you know, you really are The Almost Late Mommy…you are always saying: “We are almost late! We have to go!”

Me: OK, that is fair, but I really don’t like being late to things.

Daughter: OK Mom–Happy Birthday!

I am left trying to decide if my daughter’s perception of me is a good thing or a bad thing.  That I am always running to something is absolutely true…but, who isn’t?  We all have to live by the clock to some extent.  How else would things get done?

I am working on finding balance but I just don’t think its in my DNA to really “slow down and go with the flow”.  I am an early riser–always have been.  It feels like I am wasting the day, if I sleep past 9 am, not that its happened since having kids! I don’t really enjoy a “lazy day”.  I can’t stop thinking of all the things I could be doing! Don’t get me wrong–a “lazy day” at a resort, where someone is serving me food and drinks, and I can just swim and read for a while sounds great and is definitely fun–but I can’t do that all day! At some point, I have to know that there is something else that will be done that day.  I am a PLANNER–there I said it…

My husband has a story that he loves to tell about one of the times we went to Disney World with the girls.  We got to the main entrance .  My husband asked “What is this place, there is nobody here?”, to which I answered “the park hasn’t opened yet, so while we wait, let me tell you my plan for how we are going to tackle this park!”  At which time I proceeded to list out the order of the rides and when our reserved character meals were.  I get it–its his way of making of fun of my planning tendencies!   Is it a bit much?  Maybe!  But we got to ride everything we wanted to and the girls met the characters they most wanted to see! A good time was had by all! Mission Accomplished!

Talk about being a planner, if you were to look in my work bag, you would see a To-Do List.  Its not just a work  related list.  I have sections to it–there is the work column, family column–further divided into individual columns, then the errands column, and finally a random stuff column.  Each item has a nice box, that I get to check mark when I am done.  That is so satisfying!  I am not even going to describe  what my calendar looks like. By now, I think you can imagine it all on your own.

I have decided that I just need to accept that this is me–even if I say “I’m exhausted”, deep down I think I like to be busy and feel like I am doing something.   However, I do want to be careful about “hurrying” my kids too much though–they don’t need to become mini versions of me.

So, I moved the clock charm to the center of the bracelet and told my daughter to let me know when she felt that I was rushing her too much.

To which she replied, “OK!  By the way, we are almost late for swim practice, let’s go!”

Its the little things that sometimes count the most…

17 Tuesday Jan 2012

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I tucked my youngest into bed and while I was cleaning up the kitchen, my oldest daughter sat at the kitchen table, drawing pictures and coloring. She was very focused. Eventually she showed me her finished product.

Me:  ”Beautiful–I really like how you blended the colors into each other”

Daughter:  ”Thanks–I have been practicing that for a long time”

Me: “Really?  Where did you get the idea to do that?”

Daughter:  ”From my art lesson”

Me: “Art lesson?  At school?”

Daughter:  ”No!  In Florida!  Remember when David showed me how to color at the restaurant? He told me to practice my coloring.”

Me: “Wow, that is really great–keep it up then”

So she moved on to her reading and I was left to my thoughts.  I knew exactly what she was referring to.  Alittle over 2 years ago we had gone to Florida for vacation and we stopped by Fort Myers to visit two amazing people, Xavier and David, who are very dear to us and who are the artistic masterminds behind the daas Gallery. www.daasgallery.com

When we visited, we all went out for dinner–those guys did not know what they were getting into!  I had 2 small children at a restaurant and was trying to have a meaningful conversation with 2 adults, who didn’t have children…Can you picture it?

Both of them were incredibly understanding and sweet to my children.  I remember that David took my child’s coloring pencils and began creating little pictures of animals and trees and flowers.  She was mesmerized!  Soon, they were practicing how to mix and blend colors, and she began to try to do her own drawings.

I am sure that to him, this was just simple doodling and a way to make the whole experience a little less chaotic.  To her, this was a key event, that remains etched in her mind.  His little coloring lesson, is still very relevant to her, 2 years later!

Each of our actions have an effect on someone else–even the most mundane ones.  Think of how a run-in with a grumpy person can really change your own mood, how happy a simple bouquet of flowers can make someone,  how a smile and a “thank you” can illicit a smile and a “your welcome” in return…

I am so grateful that they took the time to subject themselves to my little ones that day–not just because I got to see them but because both of them, through their gallery and the little coloring lesson, gave a cherished little piece of themselves to my daughter!

Painting by David Acevedo

Posted by | Filed under Finding Balance, Motherhood, Time Well Spent

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Coming Up for Air

14 Saturday Jan 2012

Posted by in Motherhood, working mom, Working Mother

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Wow! What an intense week it has been!  I am sure that you know the feeling…  Its as if you were on one of those gerbil wheels from the moment you get up until you fall into bed, utterly exhausted!

I definitely had one of those over-the-top days this week.  On this particular day, I got up early, thinking that I could get a couple things done before the kids got up.  Well, so much for that idea! It is as if my youngest child uses the sound of the Keurig K-cup popping into the machine as an alarm clock!

OK then–time to start making breakfast and getting her ready for school.  Soon enough her sister was up and now we were in high gear!  Snacks to be packed, gloves to be found, backpacks prepared, “Book order is due? What book order?!”, hair to be combed, teeth to be brushed and lets not even talk about the whole getting dressed process.  That can be the topic for another article!

Several months ago, I apparently thought that it would be a good idea to schedule my daughter’s routine doctor’s appointment early in the morning, before school starts–so she wouldn’t miss class.  What was I thinking?!  Now I had to hurry even more and get ready to leave even earlier!  Eventually my youngest made it to daycare and I survived getting to the doctor’s office, getting out of the doctor’s office and finally drop off at school–all by 9:00am.   Once I was back home, it was time to throw something in the slow cooker for dinner and start working!

This was one of “those” work days!  Back-to-back-to-back-to infinity teleconferences, plus the emails that have to be kept up with, plus the regular calls on the cellphone, plus the text messages, and of course the spreadsheets and power point slides that have to be created.  By lunch time, I was really starting to lose my focus and felt myself starting to totally disengage–way too early in the day for that to happen!  There were still 3 more teleconferences ahead of me!  I decided I would leave my basement office (AKA ”The Dungeon”), make myself some coffee and get something to eat.

As I stood in my kitchen, looking out over the backyard, I suddenly saw…

6 deer–3 does and their fawns, born in the spring, standing at the border of the woods and our yard.  Slowly, they started to come into the backyard.

I watched them for about 15 minutes, until they walked back into the woods.  As I was putting my camera away and went back to drinking my coffee, I realized what a gift their little visit had been.  During that time, I didn’t think about a single deadline, phone call, my to-do list….I just enjoyed the moment!  Getting those 15 minutes to disconnect and basically hit the reset button made all the difference.  I went back to my office and found the energy and creativity I needed to get through the rest of the day.

Much has been written about the importance of taking breaks and making time for yourself.  Realistically, in our busy days, it is so hard to find that time.  Regardless of what our “work” is, the to-do list always seems to grow and it feels like you can never really say “all done!”.  This time, the opportunity to take a breather and come up for air came to me by chance, but moving forward I am really going to try to ensure that I am taking the time to regroup and recharge!  It definitely makes a difference!

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